girls? ?(8)y Install Instructions:???1. Copy the Code??2. Log in to your Blogger account and go to "Manage
Layout" from the Blogger Dashboard??3. Click on the "Edit HTML" tab.??4. Delete the code already in the "Edit Template" box and paste the new code in.??5. Click "Save Template" an BLOGGER TEMPLATES - TWITTER BACKGROUNDS ?

Friday, December 10, 2010

5 Things I'd Prefer To Be Butterflies

So recently, my friend Flossing Sunshine  Red Sunshine (sorry Sunshine, I just forget every time) made a post about 5 things she hated. And she tagged everyone who read it. So I was like "Damn. She tagged me. Now I have to do this."

By the way, you know who Flossing Sunshine Red Sunshine is? (damn. it gets me every time.) You know... The girl who owns the blog "I Know Where Your Mom Lives"?
Just kidding. Shes not that stalkerish.
She owns a blog called polishedwithdust (thats polished with dust, not polish Ed with dust. Yeah, worry not, I made that mistake the first time too.) Well Polished With Dust is super hilarious and you should read it sometime.

Well now I have to post about things I hate. Which really is hard for me to do because I don't consider myself to really hate anything. I just strongly dislike things. But this list is supposed to be called 5 Things I Hate. Not 5 Things I Strongly Dislike. So I have to list five things I hate. But saying that just agonizs me so I will have to call it

5 Things I'd Prefer To Be Butterflies

That way I don't feel so guilty. Because if those things were butterflies, they would only have a lifespan of 2 weeks, but I wouldn't feel guilty because I turned them into beautiful animals while they were living. For 2 weeks. (Well i don't think they are beautiful. its their faces. Not at all atractive. But no animal that I think is beautiful dies as a 2 week lifespan. so yeah.)

Thing That I'd Prefer To a Butterfly #1:
Jokes I Do Not Understand.

Everytime I hear a joke, I feel obligated to laugh. Because the reason I don't laugh is either because
a) the person isnt a good storyteller
b) I am not smart enough to hear the joke
c) I just didnt get it

If the person just told a bad joke, I feel like I need to laugh so the person doesn't feel bad. If it's because I'm not smart enough to understand it, I have to laugh so I don't seem to be unsmart. And if I didn't get it, I laugh anyway because or else someone will probably come up and say "laughing makes you live longer." Which is something I completely dislike, but not enough to wish it were a butterfly.

And when I do laugh, something usually happens that makes me wish I hadn't laughed.

Situation A)
Person: And so he hides the pepper shaker in the garbage disposal! Hahahahahahahaha
Me: Hahaha (?)
Person: Wait how old are you?
Me: *insert age here*
Person: Dude, you aren't supposed to get this... How do you know what *insert thing I'd rather not have heard* is?

Situation B)
Person: And so he hides the pepper shaker in the garbage disposal! Hahahahahahahaha
Me: Hahaha (?)
Person: Oh, so you've watched *insert television show/movie*?
Me: Um, sure...
Person: Really, whats your favorite part/episode?
Me: Um......

Situation C)
Person: And so he hides the pepper shaker in the garbage disposal! Hahahahahahahaha
Me: Hahaha (?)
Person: Dude, you don't get it. Its an inside joke.

Thing I'd Prefer To Be A Butterfly #2

School is supposed to have a purpose. That purpose is to have us learn. In school. Which is why we go there. If we wanted to learn in our homes we wouldn't go to school. But they give us "home" "work" anyways. Its all a complete oxymoron. I dearly hope I spelled that correctly.

Not only does homework take up your time. To me anything that takes away time isn't only that. It takes away time, life, dignity. (I don't know where that last part came from. i'm just really pissed at homework right now.)

And besides that, it gives you fake hope.
"I'm so glad I'm almost done with this homework." 3 hours later. "Damn..."
"I'm so glad winter break's almost here, no more homework for 3 weeks!" One week later Teacher: "And so here you have this 21 day reading log to complete during winter break. And don't forget to do #3-9 in the workbook. Have a fun vacation everyone!" "DAMN."
"I'm so glad its finally summer! No more homework for three months!" 3 months later. Teacher: "So you must complete #1-57. Thats it." "&%*$#@"

Thing I'd Prefer To Be A Butterfly #3

No, not like geometrical lines. Waiting lines. Ugh.

Anything designed to keep you waiting automatically aquires my wanting for it to be a butterflies just because of its existence.

Don't get me wrong. I am a patient person (gosh this post is taking too long to write...) But sometimes, waiting lines just tick me off.

There are two kinds of lines. Hidden lines  and exposed lines. I know that sounds like some reference to Law & Order, but its not.

Hidden lines are awful. An example would be a line in an amusement park. You never know how long it is, how tiresome it is, or how long you will be standing in it.  It is agony. You think you are almost there, then you are not.

Exposed lines dont have any clothes. JUST KIDDING! Exposed lines are lines that you can see (all the way!) and so you know just how slow it is going, and how much time you will have to stand its annoying existance.

Thing I'd Prefer To Be A Butterfly #4
Awkward Moments

Why? Why Wolfie?

Because, they are just awful. And there are only a few ways to break them.

Awkward Turtle.
Punch the closest wall.
Punch the closest window.
Punch the closest person.
Pretend to pass out.
Pass out.
Break into song.
Break into dance.
Break something.
Say something random.
Impersonate Antoine Dodson.
Tell everyone to hide and later insist it was because someone was climbing their windows and snatching their people up.
Impersonate the Double Rainbow guy.
Double rainbow all the way across the sky.
What does this mean.
Its so bright and so vivid.

I'm sorry, what were we talking about?

Thing I'd Rather Be A Butterfly #5
I Am Your Father

Bet you didn't see THAT comming.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Instructions Not Included

There are many, many, MANY, many many many, MANY things I hate about the world. I would go in depth, but frankly, I
a) am currently installing a software
b) can NOT multitask (not on a weekend, anyway. I save the hard word for the week days.)
c) I am too tired, and honestly, too lazy.
d) I doubt you will have the patience to read the full list
e) I doubt Blogger has enough data space for me to post a post that long.

One of the many, many, etc... things I dislike about the world is that anything (which includes ANYTHING) you buy nowadays, comes with instructions. It bothers me that the simplest things come with instructions, because besides being uneeded, unusful, and unread, these uneeded instructions are what I blame for the now nonexistent part of the Amazon rainforest, some of which has been cut down for paper, which has been used for things as useless as instructions on how to work a set of kitchen measuring cups.

Lets be honest. Even when we know instructions are necessary, we never actually read them. It usually goes something like this.

"Ooh. Neat. A lamp."
"Ugh, why do these boxes come with such difficult packaging..."
"MOOOM!!! Do you have a bandaid?"
"No, I didnt cut myself trying to open this box. pshh, nooo, psh..."
"Ooh. Instructions."
"Step 1.... ugh. Im bored. I dont need this. I know how to build a lamp."
"Wait is this screw G or screw R?... Oh jesus were did valve A17 go?"
"Why isnt the tube fitting into the base? Ugh..."
"Oh screw this lamp. I like to be in the dark better anyways..."

And worst of all, when we do read the instructions, we finish reading them pretty much knowing LESS than what you started out with, because not only were the instructions overly simple or undesipherable, but you got so bored/confused that you forgot some of the things you already knew about the subject matter.

As I told you before, I am installing a software into the computer. I ordered it a couple of days ago, and I just got it in the mail. It was a small box with neat drawings on it. So there I am, all happy I am add yet one more software to the infinite collection I have, open the box, and...

Oh my dear Mary, mother of Jesus...

You would expect such a simple software to come with maybe one or two disks.
Ha. I wish.

I open the box and out come tubling FIVE different disks, and THREE different sets of instructions.

The software was blessed that I didn't give up on the spot.

I take a closer look at the three instructions. One of them reads "INSTALLING THE SOFTWARE." At that point I was practically hearing angel music in the background.

I open it.

Step 1: Install CD #1.

I look at the CD's. All of them say one thing, and one thing only: the name of the software.


If you are going to give crappy instructions like that, you might as well not give any.

Eventually, I managed to install the damn thing. I say eventually because I would like to hold on to the bit of dignity I hold towards technology.